You, Danes and the parties: A guide to survive. Ch. 1

Recently I read an article about Danish culture. I have to admit how much I love the Danish way of life. It’s full of paradoxes that enrich the everyday. “While in Denmark, if you are invited to a fairly big party where you know only the host and hostess, you might as well prepare for a boring evening” (Knudsen, 2002), it stated.

This is something that I observed but I didn’t realize till I got to read this article. I always saw something hard to describe in Danish social meetings but I couldn’t figure out what. It’s not a matter of feeling comfortable or welcomed; it’s a matter of understanding how social rules work. It’s well known the “help yourself” motto inserted in Denmark cultural background. I really love it. It is the lack of formality which make the social situation more realistic, instead of full of conventionalism.

This means that you only speak with someone you already know. Nevertheless, don’t expect to introduce yourself or others to anyone at all. It’s normal to be at a party and see that everyone laugh and have fun without you, unless you’re Dane and you know what they talk about.

It’s important to be informal and figure out who is who at a party. The lack of formality during social events, the lack of introduction makes socializing more difficult for the newly arrived. I’ve attended different parties where there were many small groups of people instead of fewer of more people. The problem was they didn’t know each other and that was why they didn’t mingle. With this situation I don’t feel uncomfortable, completely the opposite, I feel myself less shy than in my homeland.

My Danish friends sometimes told me that I am a perfect host and I always make sure that anyone is introduced to others. It’s because I feel so stupid when I try to speak to someone and I don’t remember his or her name, so I have to use vocatives such as dude or guy or interjections like hey.

You’re not allowed to break the comfort zone made by the personal space. If you want to know who is who you’ll have to find out for yourself but be aware that it’s not appropriate to approach to someone that you don’t know. “These parties end up looking as a micro cosmos of already established groups of acquaintances” (Knudsen, 2002), the article said.

You are forgiven. You are just an outsider who doesn’t know the rules and tries to cross the line between those outside the groups and those who already know each and have a hyggelig moment. They know that it’s bad enough to be a foreigner and to know nothing. If you are foreigner, as an outsider, you’re allowed to ask. Ask as much as you want to but it depends on the person in front of you who decides the information given. So, the status quo of ignorance remains.

As a newcomer this is your way out. With the excuse of being ignorant, you could transit the social rites of Danish society. However, if your biggest desire is to be like a Dane, just follow the non-written clues hidden in the social event. Don’t ask, but just pay attention to the signs floating in the air to get to know who is who and perhaps, and only perhaps, you fit in like a Dane. Good luck.

KNUDSEN, Anne (2002). Pretend your are at home - and stay there!. Her går det godt- send flere penge. Gyldendal.